VOLCANO on the BALCONY!
watch your step if you dare risk getting closer to me.Someone's been buried deep her whole life,
I recently got home today after my uncle treated me to some shopping. Oh my god, i haven't been shopping for a damn long time, i don't think i can even remember the last time I went to the mall and actually bought something myself. Throughout today, I felt so worried and sick and there was nothing I could do about it.
Last night, I knew there was something wrong with me. I talked to my uncle about how I can't concentrate in school anymore, I don't eat as much as I used to, I can't sleep anymore, I have no motivation to finish my work, I can't write or even talk to friends.
I just wanted to be alone. I feel like I'm slowly becoming the mute I used to be.
Last night I spilled everything from my heart in words to my uncle.
I said I feel like I'm dying mentally from the constant discouragement, insults, and negativity by my own mother.
I can't even get her out of my head. Her voice lingers everywhere I go.
Even in my sleep, in my dreams.
She's the voice that tells me I can't do it.
I felt every insult was like a small rock placed on my body. Through the years, I'm now starting to suffocate from being buried under it all.
After the talk, my uncle, my aunt, and my grandma see that I am "sick with depression."
I believe that they are right.
After talking to them, I started weeping because they finally understand what I'm going through.
I'm 16. In 2 years, i'm gonna be in college. I thought college would be great. But now i'm thinking it's horrible. You know why? Because of my mother. She makes everything sound horrible. Everyday when i'm closer to going to college, the insults multiplied. Insults such as "you're a dumb animal", "you're as stupid as a cow", "you're so stupid, why should I even try to raise you?"and it goes on, and will never stop. She's the one crashing my dreams.
The thing that makes me annoyed by this is because my mom is a housewife because she failed out of school and always refused to find a job even when she was younger even though my dad is only an engineer.
Not only does she insult me about school but she also discourages me about everything else.
How do I live with that? How can I be able to be myself? How can I actually live like a human?
I used to be the good kid trying to keep her content but I realized that it's impossible.
I became an angry soul because I wasn't treated as a human. This is why I rebel and fight everyday.
Even when we try to have a normal conversation, in a few seconds we would be fighting and throwing/ breaking things.
I can't live, not here.
I literally had enough of this treatment that I can't even breathe.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
5:29 AMProfile
Bonjour. My name's Kimberly and i'm 15, turning 16. 20 September is my birthday. I'm just another somebody. I'm extremely fond of chocolates and cheesecakes. I heart simplicity and i've a passion for soft colors - blue, pink, white. I swear my deep love for Japanese mangas & animes. I have a faint interest in learning French and Japanese. I'm pretty quiet, except that when i'm really HIGH, i can get reallyreallyreally wild. I believe in miracles, alright, and hell yesh, i love my pretty awesome friends. I like: Kpop/Jpop/English Music. Personal faves inlude Taylor Swift + Katy Perry + SNSD + SHINee + Kim Bum. I'm from Chicago, IL, USA. I live in a semi-detached. I love to sing, dance, and act. My favorite songs are Love Story, Fearless, Teenage Dream, Firework and Fashion. I'm in a band called Diva Effect with my 2 best friends, Ashleigh and Yasmin. I play the guitar, Ashleigh sings, Yasmin plays the drums. We're currently working on a song called This Is Your Life. It's our first song, so no insults please. (: So, love you if you love me(: I ain't perfect but I'm unique, live with it. If you wish to contact me, please send an email to ivyrose135@yahoo.com or ask me for my Skype name. Thank you.Imma a music/books/iTouch lover & a twitter/tumblr/taptap addict. ^^
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